Why Do BPD Relationships Never Work?

    Why Do BPD Relationships Never Work?

    Why Do BPD Relationships Never Work?

    Borderline personality disorder relationships never work because the impulsive and harsh behavior of the person can often cause harm to even the close ones.

    It makes them look like everyone is plotting against them and hates them, for which they start finding negative reasons to either distance themselves from the people around them, create problems from nothing, or alleviate the pain for themselves or the others.

    People with Borderline personality disorder can show extremely reckless behavior at times.


    Emotional episodes and cycles are often a reality for people with a borderline personality disorder. This can affect relationships. 

    A BPD relationship cycle is a series of ups and downs that repeats in a relationship, “First of all, everything feels good, uplifting and safe. They may think you are your favorite person.” 

    At the beginning of a relationship, your partner with BPD may tend to idealize you and everything you do. 

    They can pay full attention to you, sing your praises and demand your attention. They may feel that you are fit for their interests and emotions just by looking positive. 

    As the relationship progresses, idealization diminishes, and we can give way to devaluation. 

    Your partner may suddenly feel that you are not involved in the relationship, do not care enough, or are not acclimatized. They may start focusing on the negative side or have difficulty reassuring the relationship. 

    This idealization and loss of value often occur informally through what is known as the BPD-related cycle or BPD dissolution phase. It does not mean everyone with borderline personality disorder behaves or repeats the same pattern. However, some of these behaviors and attitudes may be present in relationships with people with BPD. 

    The relationship cycle of borderline personality disorder

    There are 6 phases of a borderline personality disorder.

    Stage 1 

    Your partner may consider you “one person,” the perfect partner, and prioritize you over others. This can happen shortly after you meet or form a relationship. 

    They may demand your time and appear to invest entirely in the relationship.

    Stage 2 

    BPD symptoms include fear of abandonment and stress-related delusional thoughts; believe in your partner that these isolated incidents mean you are no longer interested in the relationship or want to leave it. 

    Stage 3 

    In response to the fear of abandonment, your partner may start testing you in small ways or drive you away. 

    These tests can be controversial and may be seen by your partner as a way to fight for a relationship. 

    Stage 4 

    Without the satisfaction and security of the effort to test you, partners living with BPD may rely on intentional distance. They try to leave you emotionally before you leave them. 

    This can be confusing for you and painful for her. It may reinforce their perception that the relationship is having problems. 

    At this stage, your partner may stick to the idea of ​​leaving you, but hide them and keep the façade that everything is okay. Alternatively, they may continue to ask you to verify your feelings and interests. 

    Level 5 

    If your partner has BPD, but you don’t know it, this is the stage at which the relationship may end. 

    You may not understand why things went downhill. You may find yourself very confused about changes in the attitudes and behaviors of your partner

    Your partner who lives with BPD may suddenly try to explain everything to save the bond.

    Level 6 

    At the end of the relationship, partners living with BPD may relapse to low self-esteem and experience symptoms of depression.


    Periodic behavior often manifests itself as a symptom of borderline personality disorder. 

    It is a misconception that everyone with BPD gets attention. 

    These actions often hide a lot of anxiety and distress. You can provide evidence of your partner’s difficulty adjusting emotions and permanently unstable self-image. 

    Rapidly changing emotions can also contribute to the cycle of relationships. BPD partners can experience mood swings, from uplifting and joy to anxiety, anxiety, and stress.

    They may persuade themselves to be worthless or experience fleeting emotions such as engaging in actions that could jeopardize their safety. 

    They can also resume the cycle of relationships, look back on how perfect you were, and wonder if they can get you back. Please try connecting again. 

    If the relationship does not end, they can resume the cycle if you solve the problem.


    For coping with your partner with BPD, you can follow some tips, which are as follows:

    • Join a couple counseling together 
    • Support and encourage partners’ desire for BPD treatment 
    • Learn more about BPD to understand symptoms and behavior better 
    • Practice support and patience in emotional moments 
    • Calm down in battle 
    • Set boundaries and explain to prevent toxic behavior 
    • Make time for self-care and activities that makes you happy 
    • Build a support network for when partners are unavailable


    Five or more of these symptoms in patients must be present over time in all situations to receive a BPD diagnosis. 

    • Desperate effort to avoid abandonment (reality or imagination) 
    • Intense and unstable relationship patterns of idealization 
    • unstable sense of self or self-image 
    • Impulsive behavior that potentially causes self-damage 
    • Suicide attempt, suicide attempt, or repeated harm to yourself 
    • Severe, temporary mood instability 
    • Chronic emptiness 
    • Uncontrolled or intense, inappropriate anger reaction 
    • Severe dissociation symptoms or short-term stress-related delusions


    Some therapies that can help patients with BPD are

    Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): 

    DBT is a cognitive-behavioral therapy that links a person’s thoughts to behavior. Four primary skills are taught at DBT, one of which is interpersonal skill management. 

    Mentalization-Based Treatment (MBT): 

    MBT is a treatment focused on helping someone understand what is happening in their or others’ minds. 


    Currently, there are no specifically approved medications to treat BPD, but doctors may prescribe medications to improve specific symptoms of borderline personality disorder. Studies show that some medications may help a person cope with anger, impulsivity, and depression.


    To secure ourselves from future problems, we should notice any slight changes in behavior and immediately diagnose and report them as soon as possible, Because even the slightest changes in our behavior and lifestyle can lead to drastic psychological issues or diseases.