What Do You Do When a Guy Acts Interested Then Backs Off
Have any of you ever experienced it firsthand? You encounter someone who appears to be a perfect match but possesses all of the qualities you seek in some partner. It’s as if you were made for each other. It seems to be going well because he’s showing interest in getting to know you better and pursuing a deeper relationship with you. Then he either starts ignoring your texts or doesn’t respond to them anymore. What do you do when this happens?
One, give yourself some time
You should need some time to get over him. There’s nothing worse than feeling anxious about whether or not he still likes you, especially if you keep checking his Facebook status updates, emails, and texts. More than you start paying attention to him, the time it takes for him to move on. Spend most of your time undertaking things that make YOU happy, and he’ll be out of your head, and his words and deeds won’t bother you quite so much. It would also avoid that embarrassing run-in at a party where either or both of you have already hooked up with someone else! So give yourself some room to maneuver and move on by focusing on many other things that attract or excite YOU.
Realize what happened: If you were genuinely interested in him, why did he suddenly pull away? Did something happen? Was there another girl? Was he scared of commitment? Did something change between you two? Figure out what happened so that you can learn from it. Maybe there was an underlying reason he backed off that had nothing to do with YOU.
This is important because knowing what went wrong allows you to understand how NOT to repeat those mistakes in future relationships. For example, maybe another girl came along who was prettier or more intelligent than you, and she took your place.
Two, watch what happens
The easiest way to figure out why he’s backing away is to watch him. Please pay attention to what’s happening around him, especially regarding women. Does he often go home with girls? Or does he usually leave early from parties? Are there girls that flirt with him at work? That might not be evident at first, but if you pay attention, you can figure out how much his habits were or how they indicate a high involvement problem.
The only way to know is if he tells you—because guys often lie about commitment issues to protect their pride—so really look for clues like those above before making any assumptions! If he doesn’t seem interested in dating other people, maybe he needs some time to realize how much fun you are.
But suppose he has no problem hooking up with other people. In that case, chances are something else is going on (and don’t assume it’s another girl). You’ll have to figure out what that is before deciding how far your relationship will go.
Three, don’t be too easy
Don’t give up all your secrets and reveal yourself too quickly. Take it slow, keep him guessing, enjoy each other and see where things go naturally. Getting involved with an emotionally damaged man is never an easy task, so it will be worth it if he cares about you and wants to be around you.
Please don’t give up on him but don’t rush into something that seems too good to be true. Be cautious but not paranoid—if he keeps backing away, maybe his problems have nothing to do with you! Regardless of why they are backing away from you, there are specific things that might help get their attention back on track again.
Four, learn from it
If there’s an apparent reason, he pulled away—like if he thinks you like him more than he likes you, or your interest was getting too much—take it as a sign and move on.
While guys don’t always say what they’re thinking, they will often act in ways that give us hints into their true feelings, says Haltzman. If there isn’t any apparent reason why he pulled away and that rejection left you feeling blindsided, take some time to reflect on your actions and behaviour. Figure out what about yourself or your approach might have turned him off so that next time around, things go differently.
Five, don’t wait around
If he’s really into you, he’ll take action to communicate that fact. If he texts more often and seems genuinely excited to see you, there’s probably something there. If he texts only once every couple of days and never asks to meet up again, it’s probably time to move on. And if he stops responding altogether? It’s clear as day: He wasn’t ever really interested in being your boyfriend—at least not in a way that was strong enough for him to try breaking through your ambiguity.
Six, move on
Moving on is difficult, but if someone isn’t that into you and acts like it, don’t pursue them. They would just have stayed unless they wanted to be with you. Don’t wait around for an uninterested person—it’s not worth your time or energy. After all, it’s hard to be invested in something that doesn’t exist.
Instead of waiting around for him to change his mind, look elsewhere for someone who does want what you have to offer. You deserve so much better than to be dragged along by someone who can’t decide whether or not those that desire you. You should never feel compelled to pursue somebody who has decided he doesn’t want you.
You probably have asked yourself what to do if a guy likes you and then turns around and is suddenly uninterested. There are several possible explanations for his sudden change of heart. He may want your friend better than he likes you. He may fear that his family would disapprove of dating someone from another ethnic group, religion, or social class.
Another possibility is that he was using you as an ego boost—you’re so pretty/smart/funny type of line—and when it became apparent that you liked him back, he decided against pursuing things further. Whatever the reason, it’s not worth wasting your time over a boy who can’t be honest about how he feels with you now.