How Are Most Affairs Discovered
Many people believe that one person always finds out about the affair first, but this isn’t always the case. The truth is that usually, several people are aware of the experience at once. Still, they choose to keep it to themselves and not tell the main person involved. This can be because they don’t want to hurt that person’s feelings or feel sorry for them. Either way, there are three main ways most affairs are discovered—surprise parties, snooping through communication devices, and third-party confidences—all of which can change your relationships forever.
An affair is usually uncovered at home
According to research, over 8 in 10 affairs are discovered when someone is looking at a partner’s phone or email. In other words, people find out because they stumbled across evidence—not because their partner admitted to cheating. (If you want proof of that, read on: An actual affair is sporadic.) You shouldn’t check your significant other’s devices when you have doubts about their fidelity—it’s not healthy for a relationship, and it won’t tell you anything if there isn’t any evidence.
But what should you do if you suspect an affair? Talk with your partner! Acknowledging potential problems can help avoid them down the road. If your partner denies any wrongdoing, try to let go of those worries. You don’t want to spend time worrying about something that might never happen—and even more importantly, trust is one of those things that’s impossible to regain once it’s lost.
If your concerns persist, however, then consider checking their phones and emails so you can put these fears behind you once and for all. Just remember that most of us snoop for reasons we don’t admit to ourselves, so be careful before you decide to cross that line.
A partner will either be subtle or outright suspect something
When it comes to affairs, trust is critical. If you don’t trust your partner, then the chances are that you have a good idea that something is up. For example, while they’re working late one night, you might check their cell phone records and see a series of calls to or from an unknown number. When questioned about these calls, your partner either stonewall or gets defensive. You may be able to catch them directly in a lie or find other evidence of their cheating.
If there’s no trust between partners, something isn’t right. There’s a high likelihood that something terrible has happened in your relationship. It doesn’t take much for suspicion to grow into full-blown doubt—and before long, everyone knows what’s going on. While being suspicious can sometimes mean nothing more than jealousy or insecurity, if you start questioning why your partner hasn’t made time for you lately or why they seem distracted suddenly, it could be worth digging deeper into what’s going on.
Once doubt sets in, chances are good that it won’t go away without some resolution. Suppose your suspicions continue to grow over time and aren’t appropriately addressed with open communication between partners. In that case, the affair will likely eventually come out regardless.
A spouse may notice clothing missing from their wardrobe, jewelry missing from the dresser, etc
Often, a spouse will notice clothing or jewelry missing, and they won’t be able to figure out why. The clothes could have been misplaced and moved or thrown away while they were cleaning, or it could mean an affair is happening. Many spouses keep track of new clothes, jewelry, shoes, and other personal items.
They know what pieces of jewelry they have and what outfits that clothing goes with – so if something is missing, it doesn’t take long for them to realize something is wrong. In some cases, a spouse may notice their wife hasn’t worn her favorite pair of earrings for months; then, she sees them on her husband’s dresser when he gets home from work one day.
Sexual encounters will leave traces behind for a suspicious partner to find
Text messages, photographs, or a change in routine. Sometimes an affair is evident to everyone right away; other times, it takes a while before suspicion begins. Some telltale signs often betray cheaters: behavior changes (including frequent trips away from home), contact information or social media accounts that disappear suddenly, or love notes left around the house.
It might seem a bit over-the-top to snoop on your partner’s digital life and email account for suspicious activity—but it can save your relationship in many cases. Don’t wait until something goes wrong to have these conversations with your partner: get into good habits early and set up ground rules before you have any reason to be suspicious of your spouse’s online conduct.
Spouses can hire investigators who can find evidence of an affair based on digital footprint alone
Texts, emails, phone calls, and photographs. Suppose a spouse suspects an affair but doesn’t have much information to support it. In that case, investigators can gather enough evidence for a targeted search on social media. Pictures are especially damaging; At that point, it’s up to your conscience whether you want to continue digging and potentially ruin your relationship or be satisfied with what you already know. Either way, knowing how most affairs are discovered can help you take steps to prevent being caught in such a compromising position.
Alternatively, a spouse may find explicit evidence, whether in texts, emails, or photos, which can lead to uncovering the affair
While texts and emails can be quickly deleted or ignored, it’s harder to hide photos of your affair partner. They may also decide to check up on you in person. If they know where you are, what you’re doing, and who you’re with, it makes it hard for cheaters to lie about their whereabouts.
So if your spouse starts coming home early from work without an explanation or asking questions about where you were that night, she might be checking up on you. She may also notice that her husband has become more secretive and withdrawn since starting a new job or project at work – a red flag that he may have started seeing someone else.
While you may never be able to guarantee 100% that your marriage is free from cheating, there are precautions you can take to minimize temptation and keep yourself out of harm’s way. The most crucial step is to be as honest with yourself as possible: if you’re struggling with fidelity, don’t deny it; instead, reach out for help and learn how to cope healthily.