Will You Regret Marrying a Widower With a Child and Living In His House?
Many widowers want to marry again. They want to share their experience and love with new people, and they hope that the second marriage will be happier than the first one. But sometimes, these widowers face challenges in their second marriages that they did not expect before getting married to their new partners and living with them in their homes. This article explores some of these challenges and issues.
Yes, I will
Not only will I regret it, but I’ll be miserable too. My husband will never leave his daughter for me to raise as my own. There are many reasons why that isn’t okay with me, even if he does make all our financial decisions. First of all, I don’t want to be a step-parent. I want my children someday. Secondly, it would make our marriage seem like an affair when it was an illusion from day one because we were never married in the first place! Anyhow…I think that having children should be something people consider before getting married. Children change everything!
No, I won’t
He lost his wife, who was his best friend. She was everything to him, but she died. The 3 of us need each other to get through it: Widowers don’t leave their children behind just because they marry again. His daughter may have some issues initially, but she will come around if we take things slow.
He deserves happiness too, so I’m going to give it to him and be there for them. This relationship is all we have right now, so I don’t think he would consider leaving us behind or letting us go! Plus, after seeing how supportive everyone else has been so far, he won’t do anything that will put our relationship at risk either!
What your new life will be like
In general, your life will change dramatically. You may wonder how it’s possible to be married to two men at once—and be caught between them—but it’s not that complicated. The same issues all married couples face every day (money, kids, etc.) apply to stepfamilies. And then there are other issues particular to blended families (for example, how do children cope with their parent remarrying so soon after losing one parent?).
To help you make sure things go smoothly in your new life as part of a stepfamily, you need to know what happened during their marriage, what they were like together, and why they got divorced. If they had a particularly contentious divorce or if they are someone who likes to air dirty laundry in public, find out now before things get serious.
This is also an opportunity for them to learn about you. Some people have never been asked about their previous marriages because no one else was interested enough to ask; others might feel like talking about it can help them heal from past wounds.
Don’t rush into things
While you may be super-excited about spending your life with your new husband, think carefully before making significant decisions, including where you want to live. For example, a surviving spouse can’t continue living in their deceased partner’s home in some states.
Also, consider how your relationship will work long-term—for example, it can be stressful if one partner makes significantly more money than another or if they have different ideas about family spending. If anything seems fishy or uncomfortable during conversations about these topics, don’t settle until you feel good about how things will work down the road. Marriage is hard enough without constantly worrying that everything is going smoothly!
What if he remarries?
I cannot tell you how to feel or act. It has to be dealt with individually, based on your own life experience. I can tell you, though, that if someone has been married before, there is a chance he will marry again. You will feel very threatened by that, or it won’t bother you.
But it does require thought because if he remarries and raises another family, any children would automatically become part of your lives, which could strain your relationship. If you choose to live together before marriage—which isn’t necessarily something I would recommend—you have time to address these issues before tying yourself legally together for good.
Family roles have changed. Are you prepared?
In previous decades, marriage meant one man and one woman with children. Today, couples may want to consider many types of family structures when planning their future together. One particular scenario becoming more common is a married couple where one spouse lost their life partner while leaving behind children. Perhaps she was an at-home mom, or she made more money than her husband.
Or maybe he died young from an illness or accident. Whatever happens, both partners need to understand what kind of family structure they will be taking on before making any decisions about getting married. It’s also essential for them to know how things will change once they do get married so that neither person feels like they have been tricked into something that wasn’t really what either of them wanted in the first place.
Is it appropriate for him to be raising her daughter now that she is an adult?
It can be argued that since Danielle was raised by her father as an adult, it’s inappropriate for David to raise her daughter now that she is an adult. However, if you dig deeper into both situations, David has likely been growing Erin. Her mother did die when she was just two years old; there are no records of her ever visiting or calling.
If anything, he deserves some credit for being a single parent before he even met Danielle. This isn’t to say that Erin shouldn’t have any contact with her biological mother; however, it could be argued that David has already done enough parenting on his own—so why not let him continue what he started?
When considering how long they have known each other: They have only known each other for about five months (if you assume they first met at Christmas).
Marrying a widower will most likely not be your worst mistake. More important is that he knows how to be a good husband. If he can take care of his current children, he can probably care for you regarding basic needs. Furthermore, suppose there are no conflicts between both families, especially between your children. In that case, it should not be difficult for everyone involved to adjust.