10 Psychological Effects of Being Lied to Someone You Love In a Relationship
Lying to your partner in a relationship can have several negative consequences, even if it seems like nothing major. Sometimes the lines aren’t about cheating but about hiding something that could destroy the trust between you and your partner. Here are ten psychological effects of being lied to someone you love in a relationship. As a result, you can understand how lying affects relationships and learn to avoid it in the future.
1. The feeling of being trapped
If your partner lies to you, they aren’t completely honest with you. Honesty is essential in any relationship but important when trying to maintain trust. Lying can cause even more problems and issues down the road if one person feels they cannot trust their partner. If your partner lies repeatedly, they may want out of your relationship as soon as possible, so an exit strategy might be a good idea if that happens.
2. The feeling of betrayal
When your partner lies to you, even if it’s something as seemingly inconsequential as saying they went out for ice cream when they went on a date, it can make you feel hurt and distrustful. Our relationships are about to give and take—it’s only fair that we can count on our partners when we need them most.
What else are they covering up if they’re willing to lie to us? Being betrayed by your partner not only makes you angry; it also contributes negatively to your self-esteem. Instead of feeling loved and supported by your partner, lying creates an unsettling uncertainty between both partners, creating conflicts down the road.
3. Lying creates trust issues
Lying changes how we view our partner and how we view ourselves. It makes us feel powerless, vulnerable, afraid, angry, ashamed, and upset. And over time, it can lead to isolation—we don’t want to be around people we don’t trust.
This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because when we lie to our partners or withhold vital information, they often retreat rather than try to fix things. This can lead to an unhappy person who feels alone and misunderstood—and that is not where anyone wants their relationship to end.
4. Being deceived means they might as well be cheating on you
A study says that when people lie to their partners, those partners may interpret it as if they’re cheating on them. The feeling is so gut-wrenching that it’s easier to label it as ‘This is like having sex with someone else,’ That feeling stays with them for quite some time.
Also, even if your partner confesses their lies and issues an apology later, you’ll still have trouble trusting them. There are times when deception can be forgiven, but you should never ignore lying signs. If they’ve been dishonest once or twice, there’s no reason to think that will change.
It makes no difference how much you adore them: Even if you trust your partner 100 percent, being deceived by them can cause some severe damage to your self-esteem and sense of security in a relationship.
5. Not knowing what happened or why makes it worse
Experiencing something, even if it was traumatic, is better than not knowing what happened. That’s why you may feel worse after learning that your spouse had an affair—that knowledge leaves you feeling ambushed and confused.
You might feel like crying and putting your fists through walls (or windows). But thinking about what did happen—and giving yourself time to process—can help bring some peace. Also, keep in mind that learning to start over as a single parent can be challenging. Still, it’s possible with good support around you.
6. When lies are revealed, the truth hurts more than the lie itself
Honesty is one of those foundational things vital to any healthy long-term relationship. It ensures we can trust each other, but it also provides that we don’t have any surprises later on down the road (even if those surprises are good).
It’s not only about keeping your word; it’s about knowing where your partner stands and feeling secure and stable in that knowledge. When lies are revealed, big or small, there will almost always be some level of hurt.
7. If they keep lying, it means they can’t trust themselves (and probably can’t be trusted either)
According to Eagleman, when our brains lie about something, it means that there is some part of us that wants something else. So we subconsciously work against ourselves. He adds that when our brains lie about something, we are uncomfortable with our contradictions and unable to trust ourselves.
If somebody lies to me, I know they can’t trust themselves because they wouldn’t have had to lie if they could. They would have been able to tell me what was going on, and I would have trusted them.
Eagleman says he has no problem believing people who say they were abused as children even if they don’t remember it: I think people forget things because their brain doesn’t want them to remember them. It doesn’t want them to be reminded of how bad things were.
8. It means I can’t trust them to tell me if there are other things they have hidden from me
When people lie, they hide things. Whether it’s a noticeable secret, like cheating on their taxes or sneaking out for late-night beers, or more subtle like hiding negative feedback from their boss, it is easy to see how trust can be shattered by such deceitful behavior. People who lie are untrustworthy and unreliable; these two traits are challenging to live with over time.
I can’t trust them: Lying is often used to manipulate and control relationships. The lies may be told with good intentions, but that doesn’t make them any less hurtful than malicious lies with bad choices. It means I have to question everything my partner says: If your partner has lied about something important, then there is no reason you should believe anything else they say, even if it is true.
9. They have lost my trust and respect forever. How can I ever trust them again? And how do I know they won’t lie again?
Lying is often thought of as just a way for people to cover up their true intentions. But lying can have much more severe consequences than that. When people are lied to, it damages their trust. It makes them question every other aspect of their relationship with that person.
Not only is lying an issue on its own, but it ruins all other good aspects when it happens. People feel disrespected and unloved because they believe they cannot trust their partner anymore, giving off negative emotions. Once trust is lost, nothing can bring it back or make up for it, so always strive for honesty in your relationships because there is no going back once trust has been broken.
10. Lies open up doors to more significant problems later on
It is better to get out now than wait for them to crush your spirit down even later. We’ve all been there, trapped in an emotionally unhealthy relationship. The worst part is, by staying, you’re lying to yourself by making excuses and creating imaginary scenarios that will never happen.
If your partner isn’t treating you with respect and kindness, they are doing something wrong. Don’t wait until they treat you like crap for a long time before leaving them; it might take some time, but eventually, their lies will catch up with them.
It’s common for couples who have known each other and been together for an extended period to become complacent in their interactions. Sometimes, lying becomes another day-to-day part of life: She’ll never notice if I don’t tell her I went out with coworkers after work… she doesn’t care anyway. I mean, why would she? She lies all the time, so it’s not like I’m doing anything wrong here… right? Wrong!