BPD Wife Ruined My Life |10 Things You Could Have Avoided
For years, I suffered from relationship problems with my wife, and I didn’t know why. We were married and had kids together. Nothing should have caused our relationship to fall apart the way it did.
After struggling to save our marriage, I realized that my wife suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). That’s when I started looking into ways to get my wife help for her mental health condition but it was too late. She had already destroyed our entire family by this point, and she never even got the treatment!
1) What is a borderline personality disorder?
A borderline personality disorder is one of a group of conditions called emotionally unstable personality disorders. People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) are usually susceptible and easily upset.
They may become angry, terrified, or feel empty for no reason. This often leads to impulsive actions such as spending too much money or having unsafe sex. Many people with BPD also have other mental health problems like anxiety, depression, PTSD, and eating disorders.
Many people with BPD were sexually abused in childhood, so they tend to distrust others and have problems building healthy relationships. But you can change your life!
2) Why was I attracted to someone with BPD?
I was attracted to my wife for several reasons. Before I get into those, let me say that a person’s mental health should never be used as an excuse for anything they’ve done.
I’m not condoning my ex-wife’s behavior and believe people need to be held accountable for their actions. That said, many people with Borderline Personality Disorder display similar patterns of behavior that are incredibly hard to deal with often because they didn’t want their actions or had no control over them.
3) How did I know she had BPD?
I would never have dated her if I knew she had Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). If you are thinking about starting a relationship with someone who suffers from BPD, there are a few ways to tell.
We’ve created a quick list for you of symptoms that may indicate someone has BPD.
Here is what I wish I had known before dating my ex-girlfriend, who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder:
- They’re in constant need of attention and approval
- They use violence as punishment
- Sex has nothing to do with love
- Too good to be true
4) How do we make a relationship work when one partner has mental health issues?
Mental health issues such as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) are more common than you think. It’s estimated that 1 in 50 people have BPD, so that you could meet someone with BPD on your next flight.
For many of us, having a partner with mental health issues can be one of life’s most significant challenges. But it doesn’t have to be. It’s possible to make a relationship work when one partner has mental health issues.
5) Are there ways to fix it?
No, there are no ways to fix your now failed marriage. Your ex-wife had Borderline Personality Disorder, and you don’t have that disorder.
Therefore, there is nothing you can do to fix it. The best thing you can do is learn from your mistakes, so you don’t make them again in future relationships!
6) How can I trust her again?
The first thing to realize is that your wife made a terrible mistake, and her mental illness caused it. It may help you to look at it that way.
If a friend had told you what she did and said she was sorry, what would you tell him; Is that different than if she’s your wife; Loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) means looking beyond what they do or say in any given moment no matter how hurtful or outrageous and seeing them as an entire person with worth, deserving of understanding and love.
That’s hard to do after discovering infidelity. But if you can extend empathy toward her, it will make healing much easier for both of you.
7) Will this happen in every relationship?
There are two ways to answer that question. First, every relationship is different. That’s why there’s no one-size-fits-all solution to BPD.
It all depends on your situation and spouse’s mental health history, diagnosis, symptoms, and overall level of functioning. But it also depends on how well you take care of yourself during the relationship.
If you constantly find yourself trying to fix a broken person or if your spouse is actively manipulating you for their gain (financial or otherwise), then perhaps you need to change something about yourself to keep going forward in life.
8) How do I fix myself and stop attracting crazy women?
You don’t. I realize that’s not what you want to hear, but it is what it is. When you meet someone you think might be perfect for you, wait until a few months have passed and see how things are going.
Has she just begun seeing another man; Does she frequently go on and on about her ex-boyfriend; Does she exhibit erratic behavior that makes absolutely no sense; Take your time to get to know someone before believing they are the one or thinking something is meant to be.
9) What if our child has BPD?
Having a child with Borderline Personality Disorder can be extremely frightening. Find that your loved one is constantly in trouble, or it seems they can’t care for themselves. It may be time to consider getting professional help.
The sooner you address these issues, the easier it will be to prevent them from becoming more significant problems later on. It’s important to remember that BPD isn’t something your child chooses, and there are many things you can do to get them back on track.
10) words of advice
Leave your house early to go to work. If you are even a minute late, she will lose it on you and say things; as you know, I was sitting here thinking about killing myself because of you.
Please don’t fall for it. Call her bluff! She will not kill herself over something as trivial as you being a few minutes late.
This is indeed a common problem. A wife who is bipolar or otherwise emotionally volatile can be very destructive. While I understand that you’re suffering and need to vent, my concern is that you are wasting your energy in public like this.
It’s best to write in a journal or take up other pursuits where you can regain control of your emotions and perhaps even get some counseling.