How To Detach From Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

How To Detach from Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

How To Detach From Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Detaching someone with borderline personality disorder can be one of the most challenging things you will ever do. It can sometimes seem impossible, especially if you are still deeply in love with this person.

If you have found yourself in this situation, please know that you’re not alone and that there are ways to detach and end the negative cycle of codependency that you have been trapped in.

Here are some tips to help you detach from someone with borderline personality disorder

Understand Borderline Personality Disorder

Suppose you have a loved one who has a borderline personality disorder, or BPD. In that case, that person’s actions can be extremely frustrating and even terrifying.

If they say they’re going to do something and don’t follow through, it might feel like you never know what to expect. Add an overdose of raging emotions and an unhealthy amount of self-loathing into that mix, and it can seem like there is no way out.

Although people with BPD do not intentionally seek out hurtful behavior, they’re often incapable of controlling their own emotions leaving family members feeling utterly powerless in their presence.

Make Contact

It can be challenging to detach from someone who has a borderline personality disorder (BPD). Borderlines tend to be passionate and overly emotional.

They often struggle with intense feelings of emptiness. At times, borderlines act out of character and in ways that are manipulative or disruptive. 

People with BPD seem like they need a lot of support. Still, in reality, it’s best for everyone involved to establish limits on how much time you’re willing to spend around them, particularly when their symptoms are flaring up.

If a loved one is diagnosed with BPD, limit contact during those flare-ups, so you don’t get pulled into their cycles of chaos.

Stay Safe

A person with BPD may engage in unhealthy behaviors such as substance abuse, sexual promiscuity, shoplifting or self-injury.

While these actions are typically intentional, it can be easy for friends and family members to become stressed by their loved one’s behavior.

Try not to take your loved one’s actions personally; remember that they are suffering, which is why borderline personality disorder is often considered a severe mental illness.

It’s essential to keep yourself safe while trying to help your loved one improve. If you have any concerns about violence, contact local law enforcement immediately.

You might also want to seek individual therapy if you feel overwhelmed or anxious about caring for someone with BPD. 


When someone you love suffers from BPD, it can be easy to feel like you’re walking on eggshells, always looking for what might set them off next.

If your loved one’s hurting and you’ve been caring for them somehow, it’s important to remember that self-care is crucial for both of you.

And while it can be difficult, it’s also critical that you find a healthy way to detach from someone who has BPD. This doesn’t mean you don’t care about them; you need to step back so they can do their work. 

This doesn’t mean abandoning your loved ones or turning your back on them when they need help.

It means taking care of yourself first so you have more energy and resources to offer them later. Ultimately, it will enable you to provide more support down the road and give your loved one space to heal.

You’ll never learn anything if you keep going over everything repeatedly without taking time out for yourself. It’s okay if things make it hard for you to focus during meditation!

Set Boundaries

If someone you care about has a borderline personality disorder (BPD), their behaviors and attitudes might trigger your emotions. 

Suppose you feel angry, agitated, confused or guilty around a person who has BPD. In that case, those emotions come from seeing them in pain and wanting to help them feel better.

However, one of the hardest things about being a caretaker for someone with BPD is knowing when and how to set boundaries for yourself.

Doing so will help prevent burnout and frustration and encourage open communication between both parties.

Suppose a person shows signs of having BPD and has not been diagnosed by a professional. In that case, they must seek out treatment before establishing solid relationships.

Seek Support

If you cannot detach from someone with BPD, get outside help. A therapist familiar with BPD can walk you through steps for creating healthy boundaries and coping strategies.

Support groups may also provide valuable guidance; experts believe family therapy can be as crucial as individual therapy when supporting someone diagnosed with BPD.

In addition, joining a support group of people with BPD (and their loved ones) will give you access to resources unique to your situation.

For example, you might find lists of helpful books or websites, tips on setting up therapy appointments (if necessary), and suggestions for dealing with everyday situations like holiday gatherings or social outings.

Even if your loved one doesn’t want treatment or support or acknowledges their condition, you should still seek professional help. This will improve your mental health and make it easier to support your loved one over time.


There is a fine line between helping a loved one in need and enabling bad behavior. Suppose you recognize that someone has a borderline personality disorder (BPD). In that case, there are ways you can support them while also taking care of yourself.

You can healthily detach from them by learning more about BPD, setting healthy boundaries, creating safe environments, and talking to your loved ones about BPD. You might not always like or agree with what they do or how they treat you, but it’s their behavior, not yours. 

So remind yourself of that next time you feel angry or hurt by what your loved one says or does: don’t blame yourself for their actions. If anything were to happen, there is help available for them and you if needed.